FONTAINE (archon quest act I)

 Here I am~ FONTAINE!! it came out a few hours ago, and I took my time exploring! but I'm not on the aquabus to the archon quest..! ..I think

ah~~

YEAH!! I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THAT! CHENYU VALE WHEN???

...

what is that? did people die there

FONTAINE CITY WOOOHOOOOOO

woahh, we might meet lyney and lynette..

we've made it to fontaine city!! woohooo

..oh. it seems that for the archon quest, I'm waaay ahead...

may aswell... EXPLORE WHILE I'M HERE~

KATHERINEEEE

okay, let's actually do the quest now

going to the desert.. duh!

thanks paimon, I knew that, but.... wait, I'm hydro traveller oops

why does hydro trav suck.

AAAAAAAAA FOR RIDDLES FOR WONDERS IS PLAYING

mhmm.... absolutely nothing bad shall befall this nation!!!!!

it's me~

hi~

I'm the problem it's me~

at tea~

time~

everybody agrees~

DEHYA DO YOU WANT TO COME TO FONTAINE WITH US???

also, dehya is, like, ACTUALLY META NOW!! cuz when you're underwater? she'sthe ONLY person who can heal themself!!

she.. she lives here... in sumeru..... she lives here

THE RANDOM FONTAINIAN THE SECOND I MENTION FONTAINE--

NOOOOOOOOO SHE'S SO SAD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo

it's okay dehya, I'm bringing you WITH me!

sure!! eek this is so cool!!! we never got to say goodbye to the other nations

NOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYYY

I mean, hey! look on the bright side! you'll always remember us when you look at.... society

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Ss ss sure.... bye, bye dehya............

okay... I was already here earlier, but now we're doing it CANONICALLY!!

here we are! in fontaine! for the first time... mhmm..

hm, do tourists usually do that?

I, FURINA, THE ARCHONZZIN DE FRENCHILOUNGE

lol, I can imagine someone, backed into a corner, out of objections, starts singing of their tragic backstory...

FONTAINE: THE MUSICAL

that makes sense! that make a whole ton o' sense!!

THEY JUST SAID IT LIKE, UH, THEY, UH, IDK HOW TO PRONOUNCE TAHT NOW

well... that's easier than it was to find Ei and Nahida!

exACTLY

well, I can't think of anyone BUT an archon to represent a nation

WOO!! FREE SPEECH!!!!

lemme guess, furina?

oh! lynette!! also, don't worry, paimon, she knows how to swim...

..

damn girl are you okay

LYNEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

WELL YOU ALWAYS STEAL MY LINES SMH

OH

okay... I'm not ENTIRELY sure whether we should TRUST them, but I like them~

Hi Lady Furina!!!

CHLORINE!!!

well, we don't know if she's here for US.

but, if she is, she could've asked zhongli, or nahida, or, like, venti

idk

well... she's TRYING to be inclusive!!!!

Her eyes are sooooo cool!!!!!

so, does she do this with every traveler?

oh! okay then, hooray!!!!

well! that's the trailer line!!

OH! WAIT! I'M SO DUMB!!! SHE'S THE GOD OF HYDRO, SHE COULD'VE JUST USED HYDROMANCY AND DIVINED IT

OH!!! WE'VE BEEN IN THE STEAMBIRD NEWS! RIGHT!!

d... duel..?

LOL WE IMMEDIATELY BRING OUT OUR WEAPON

sure. i'll fight you~ in a cutscene.. where i lose

WOAHHHH SEH SOUNDS WAY COOLER THAN I IMAGINED

...

a.. a duel in court??

so

I'll fight her

but

in a different building

right?

PAIMON!?!?!?

(omg that was the trailer line)

YEAH!! SEE!!! PAIMON ISN'T FLYING, SHE'S ATTACHED TO US! REAL!!!

shh, it's an umbilical cord

*clapping*

[through gritted teeth]: AMUSING. VERY AMUSING, LYNEY.

OH MY GOD SHE SAID TOODLE-OO

guess I can tick THAT off

yeah sure!!

WOAHHH LOOK AT THAT VISUAL

it's fine!! I'm pretty sure other blonde people exist, so it's udnerstandable!

wow lyney's such a nice guy

NATLAN MENTION! NATLAN MENTION!!!!

!!! NATLAN LORE OMG

sunsets are so pretty~

I think this is sad!!!!

just barely. my graphics suck, lyney.

SHE'S RIGHT THERE!! OI!! DORA!!!!

    

IS HE OKAY??????

CHARLOTTE!??!

WHAAAT

AA THE DIALOGUE IS GOING TOO FAST FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK SORRY SORRY

NOOO!!!! CREEPS ARE IN GENSHIN ASWELLL

UHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH UHHHHH TAHT IS THAT IS VERY BAD THAT IS BAD VERY MCUH!!!

WHAT.

THAT! IS! SCARY!!!!

THIS IS HORRIBLE CHARLOTTE!!!! WHY ARE YOU BEIGN SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT WIASJOIWJFAOIWJIWF

WOOOO WE'RE GONNA MEET FREMINET

e.. everyone else..?

who..?

this is my bingoboard rn btw

who? who is that

not arlecchino, right?

I mean, if it were arlecchino, I'd freak the heck out

but it's.. probably not..?

thanks. but, wait, is this... A BRANCH OF THE HOUSE OF HEARTH??

it's raining~

wait

in a CITY???

THAT IS

THAT SHOULDN'T WORK

WATH

OOOH!!!

weeps...

okay, well, I have some theories taht neuvillette is the dragon

so..

does he cry before a trial..?

but.... but freminet is a sweet boy!!!!!

oh! estelle!! I saw her earlier, she is just the BEST

wh..

wh

wa

wha

hwa

wh

aww

h

WHAT?

So,

so

so you're tellign me that

the opera epiclese is a

CHARGER

ooh it's like jnana energy

okay

"NYEM-OUSS-IA"???

WHAT

WHAT

WHY IS THIS MAN HERE

LIKE

HE WAS IN THE TRAILER

BUT

WHY IS HE HERE???

omg I can NOT wait for rednasyo's reaction

he doesn't even know childe's in this..

wait.. why are we being so nice to him

I mean, I like it

but usually we're so mean I'm like "uggh just gimme a nice option"

HAHA, THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING!!

OH MY GOD THIS MAN

THIS ENTIRE SCENE 

ASIDOIDWJOIAWJDIj

HE JUST WANTS TO SAY HI TO HIS FRIEND

AHAHAHHA THIS IS LITERALLY A HARBINGER SDSHDSH

huh?? something happened to his vision.. that WAS weird

...

guys

he murders when he's in a good mood

so when he's in a BAD mood...

idk bro that just sounds like anxiety to me

mhmm mhmm~

SKIRRRRRRRRRK
SKIRK MENTION

SKIRK MENTION

I think that was on the bingo

THAT WAS ALSO ON THE BINGO CARD!!

oh.. it says "and"

..DAMNIT!

OKAY COOL SO I CAN TICK IT OFF

hm..! well, maybe one of us will be the first!

HUH???

OKAY WELL THAT EXPLAINS WHY HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS VISION IN THAT TRAILER
BUT UH
WE UH??? WE JUST HAVE IT??? 
DON'T THEY LIKE RETURN TO THEIR OWNERS THO??

hmm.. maybe we could use a vision...

WAIT WHAT IF CHILDE DIES THO

AND WE HAVE HIS VISION TO REMEMBER HIM BY

okay... sure. whatever you say, bestie!

first fontaine song!!!!

??? UHHH WHY ARE WE GETTING FLASHBACKS TO SOMETHING WE'VE NEVER SEEn

Vacher.. is not my name....

ASOIDJAIWJDOIJAWF

when DOES she!?!?

oh cool, so this is the sacred sakura

y'know how that like lets you upgrade electrograna? I wanna upgrade my underwater abilities

SIMON????

here we are.. the court....

man, I love ???

??? and ... are OTP

jk. ... and !!! are the best

NEUVILLETTE!!!

oh mY GOD I LOVE HIM

HIS VOICE

HIS VOICE IS SO COOL

AND HIS

HAIR

HIS 

HAIR

OMGGG

I LOVE HIM, but...

straight-up wrong about this one. sorry dude

NOOO NEUVY DO YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS

so... so HE'S THE MASCOT OF JUSTICE!!

OH AOIWDJOWIJAOWIDJA W

WOOOOOOOOO!!! LYNEYYY!!!!!!

Damn girl you okay?

the first great magic! that was amazing!!

Furina was scared when she dissolved.. I saw it

Neuvillette!! please Neuvillette!!

..which will choose a plot relevant character

lol does furina count as audience

OH YAY!!! AN NPC GETS TIME TO SHINE!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WHAWT
WHTAWTHAW
TAWT
HAWT
AWHT
AWHT
AWHT
HAWTNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
GENERICNPC
AUDIENCE MEMBER
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
WHAT
WHTAWHT
AWHTAW
THAWHT
AWHT
AWHTA
WHT
AWHTHWT

oh uh, thanks neuvy

AAA

DUDE

II

I CA

THIS FEELS

I DON'T KNOW

MY HEART DROPPED
AND

IT'S STILL DOWN THERE

I DIDN'T KNOW GENSHIN COULD MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIMEIN A LONG TIME

WOW

I

i feel like

one of the audience members

wow

hey

I

can't even crack jokes

SOMEBODY JUST DIED

h.. huh!? the audience member is fine, I guess... BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THIS ANY BETTER

woah...

so

1 dead

1 missing

..yikes.....

OH NO

who.. is "he"..?

WHAT

BESTIE

NO OFFENSE

BUT

THIS BOY

IS NOT 20

ah... I see.

wow... uh, sure.

(b-better call yanfei just to be safe, though!)

I would be lying if I said I wasn't

DUDE

SOMEBODY

JUST DIED

IN FRONT OF OUR EYES

WHAT

oh

oH

OH!!!!
OH WOW!!!

OH WOW!!!

OH GOODNESS GRACIOIUS!!!

REAL CRIME GAMEPLAY!!

WOOHOO!!!!

oh my god

okay

guess this is paimon from now on

SOMEBODY DIED??????

...wait.

"young women of around the same age range"

maybe the orphans need mother/big sister figures...

ALSO WHO IS "FATHER"

NAVIA!?!?!?

also WHY wasn't murder mystery on my bingo card..?

I love her already what

HER EYESSSS

LIKE THE HEDGEHOG!?!?

oh! look at her vision, she's.. ousia!? idk why I thought she'd be pneuma

well... why would we trust the hydro archon

...

..trailer line.

""huh?"

..wh! she was cosplay lyney!?

wait I gotta rewatch the cutscene, I wonder if the face marks were different

..so this was lynette? no star, tho. so I guess they're just temporary tattoos

use is unclear..? isn't this for sure a grappling hook?

..uh oh.

the.. the kidnapper vented.....

god DAMN IT

THSI STUPID OST SOUNDS LIEK CRUEL ANGEL'S THESIS

I TIHNK I'M JUST HEARING IT BUT

AGH

IDK

ALREADY???

well...

guess so!

oh!!! court is now in session!!

aha, secret's out~

wh... what. how?

f.. furina... that's not how the law works

AAAA THERE WAS A SICK CUT WOW

THAT!! THAT WOW 

also does he not know the thud..?

AAAAAAAAAAAA
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
THAT'S SO MEAN

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT

ALSO THAT'S A BINGO-SQUARE

..what

that was SUPPOSED to be on there

it felt so obvious to me. so obvious that I DIDN'T INCLUDE T ON MY BINGO SHEET

wowww

I mean.. I'm not racist!!

also,  growing up in the house of the hearth doesn't, like, make you evil. heck, most fatui are just soldiers

hmmm

I feel like this story's trying to be all like "everyone, even bad people, deserve fair justice"

but, lynette and lyney.. aren't bad people.. it just doesn't work!

HOLY HECK THIS IS SO COOL

..phew!

fireworks.. it was yoimiya!

sorry I'm not writing much, this... THIS IS A LEGAL CASE, DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO PLAY AROUND??

HOLD UP

WATERS FROM THE PRIMORDIAL SEA??

HOW????

AGH

WHAT.

mhmm!??// MHMH/?!?1/ IDKD dA dAdad STATE OF PANIC

I'm happy that she's worried about that!

HUH

NOOOOOOOOO

WE WERE GOING SO WELL

DAMN IT!

TRAILER LINE!!!

????

YOU'RE NOT THE DEFENSE OR A PROSECUTOR NOR A WITNESS??

HUH

WOW

OKAY

NAVIA DID

WH

HOW

WHAT

PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY??

okay... so you're NOT fontanian, as they saiD??

WAIT

IT'S HER

WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT`

OHHH

RIGHT, SO SHE SURVIVED BECAUSE SHE'S FRMO MONDSTADT

YAYY!!! GOSH THAT WAS SO COOL

and, NOBODY DIED

well

cowell was EVIL SO

NONE WAS LOST!!

HOLY HELL HE

did

did the so-called "boss" keep emergency remote-ly activated primordial water on him..?

the.. the knave?

okay

so Father is the Knave

that...

THAT IS SO COOL OMGGGGG AD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAEEEKK EEEK THAT'S O COL

..otets..?

is that.. arlecchino's real name or smth

she.. saved lynette..?

ah, wow!!

I wonder why they call her father... uh, I mean, I wonder why they don't call her mother

DUDE ARLECCHINO DID NOTHING WRONG SHE SAVES ORPHANS
SHE SAVES ORPHANSS!!

huh what's a child soldier..?

ooh.. I see

woo!!

oh, act II's already out? well, I guess that makes sense.. to do tomorrow.....

I'll have to take a break frmo social media, though...

here's the bingo sheet! thank you so much for listening

what

I mean watching

what

...

thank you, and goodnight!

~Moon